The seven levels of Talk Talk hell

Unlike the famous Nine Circles of Hell by Dante, the Talk Talk customer experience hell only has seven levels. But they are a living nightmare and I’m struggling to find my way out.

You might remember back in the summer I wrote how I was leaving Talk Talk when they put their prices up. Well, we ended up staying in order to keep the YouView box which had programmes we’d recorded we still hadn’t got around to watching (and still haven’t in some cases!).

I really wish we hadn’t.

And it’s not because of the data hacking (though that doesn’t inspire confidence).

Instead it’s the all-round appalling quality of the product and customer service. I’ve spent at least four hours this week on the phone and webchat with them to try and sort some problems, and I’m not getting anywhere!

Here are the horrors I’ve faced this week dealing with Talk Talk and their customer service.

Talk Talk Hell Level 1: Never ending frustration

Since day one we’ve had issues. To Talk Talk’s credit they’ve normally been pretty good at trying to fix the issue, and compensating me when they ultimately couldn’t.

But the latest trio of issues are the last straw. We’re paying for a service which doesn’t live up to the initial promises and it’s not good enough.

Talk Talk Hell Level 2: Talking to yourself

It feels like there’s a script the generic customer service agents have to follow, and in turn it feels like they aren’t actually listening to what you say.

They don’t seem to be able to deviate from the processes laid out in front of them. There’s no ability to use common sense or respond to what I’m actually asking.

Talk Talk Hell Level 3: Stuck on repeat

It’s like Groundhog Day. I have the same conversation each time I speak to them.

Each one starts with me explaining the problems and ends with the very same outcome – the promise of another phone call – which starts the cycle again.

Talk Talk Hell Level 4: No solutions

Of the seven people I’ve spoken to this week, not one actually tried to fix the problems I report. No solution suggested. No request to try this, or attempt that. Nothing.

They say it’s because they can only deal with problems happening now (ours are intermittent), yet there’s an inability, perhaps unwillingness, to offer any practical help.

Talk Talk Hell Level 5: Hitting a brick wall

At one point I managed to get transferred to a woman who could have a two way conversation. This time she didn’t just follow the script.

Unfortunately she was rude, accused me of lying, obstructive, patronising and spoke over me

I tried to get her to reason. I appealed to her good nature. No matter what I said, there was no way past. Ultimately she was the equivalent of a huge immovable brick wall.

It was possibly the worst customer service experience I’ve ever had.

Talk Talk Hell Level 6: Despair

After the most recent call, all I could see in front of me was a never ending cycle of never actually having anything happen.

It’s so frustrating that I was very nearly tempted to just pay the £130 exit fee. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s their whole intention.

Talk Talk Hell Level 7: Limbo

This is where I currently am. Talk Talk won’t try to fix anything unless the problem is happening when we speak. They won’t send an engineer without a charge of £65 until they’ve tried to fix it over the phone. But the issues are intermittent, and sometimes brief. It feels like it’s never going to get fixed.

As I see it I’m faced with three choices:

  1. Trying to cope with a service that doesn’t deliver.
  2. Paying the exit fee and taking the financial loss.
  3. Make an official complaint and see where that gets me.

The first isn’t good enough. The second doesn’t sit well with me. So I’m going to go with the latter. Wish me luck.



9 thoughts on “The seven levels of Talk Talk hell

  1. Avoid Talk Talk, They’ll Drain the best of Your Money, Patience and Energy

    Navigating the TalkTalk Tangle: A Grand Adventure at 80!

    So, here I am, an octogenarian explorer, weathered by time, battle-scarred by experience, and armed with the uncanny ability to spot a broadband mirage. Three plus years hitched to the TalkTalk rollercoaster, and let me tell you, it’s been a ride!

    Their internet waltz is a masterpiece, a symphony of drops and disappearances, leaving me hanging for minutes that stretch like a cat’s afternoon nap. Day or night, it’s an equal-opportunity vanisher. I call ’em up, thinking they hold the secrets of the digital realm, only to be met with bewildered shoulder shrugs. “Fair usage”? Mention that, and you’d think I was waving a red flag at a bull. They steer clear faster than a cat avoiding a bath.

    The money game, though, that’s their jam. They’ve got a flawless memory when it comes to your bills, but ask ’em about what they’ve actually done for you, and you’ll get more blank looks than a staring contest champion. It’s a monthly ritual, a theatrical performance where they conjure fees from thin air, like pulling rabbits from a hat, only less entertaining.

    Now, let’s talk customer service – or as I like to call it, the “Delay and Distract Dance.” They’ve mastered the art of scripted evasion, leaving you wondering if they’re reading off a teleprompter or just speaking in some secret code. They’ve got more stalls than a farmer’s market, and believe me, they’re not shy about using ’em.

    To my dear pals at TalkTalk: Save the fake apologies for your grandma’s birthday party. I’ve spent more hours on hold than a teenager spends on TikTok, and sorry, but time isn’t a currency you can refund. I’ve become a master of their repetitive banter, like a jukebox stuck on a broken record, playing hits from yesteryears.

    Fellow adventurers, lend me your ears! Time’s too precious to be squandered on the TalkTalk circus. Their disruptions are like mosquitoes at a picnic – annoying as heck and draining your energy faster than a toddler on a sugar high. So, fork over a few extra bucks and upgrade to a provider that won’t treat you like a tech-illiterate grandparent. Trust me, there’s a land of better options out there, and you deserve the royal treatment.

    As I bid adieu to TalkTalk, I look back on the countless calls, the scripted tap dance, and the assumption that customers are as gullible as a dog chasing its own tail. This little exposé barely scratches the surface of my escapades. The iceberg of TalkTalk troubles runs deep, my friends, deeper than a mystery novel plot. And as for that single star? Well, let’s just say it’s shining brighter than a supernova of disappointment.

  2. rosemary rimmer clay November 12, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    While trying to order a cooker from John lewis I inadvertently spent my credit. Without notifying me. TALKTALK disconnected me[according to Ofcom they should notify you FIRST]. So they phoned at 9am on a Sunday [!] saying my phone would be disconnected [but not why! So adult, eh?] It took me a week to find out what the problem was. I paid. Still no ‘automatic’ reconnection.
    Then TALKTALK said my phone wouldn’t be reconnected unless I increased my credit limit! Holding me hostage. So I agreed to this. Still no reconnection.

    It’s now been 27 days without a phone. My grandson was born! I needed to call the GP when my three year old grandson was very sick. I couldn’t call the cancer clinic over a referral. I can’t speak to the council. I can’t call utilities. I spent hours and hours calling, contacting their [purely cosmetic] online customer service. I have reported them to ofcom, contacted the Guardian consumer helpline. TalkTalk are useless. Don’t use such a dire service!

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  7. I agree with the person who wrote about talk talk.I experienced the way that this deceitful company operate. Earlier this year having had dealing’s with TalkTalk for five days to which they were incapable of providing me with the service they had promised, at the end to get away from their constant harassment I had to pay them £336. Bearing in mind that I am a disabled pensioner. Had to borrow the money to pay them.They are a very shady company.

  8. I will not touch them with a barge pole ever, even if they are free. In fact I’d even decline if they offer me money to take a free contract with them. They are AWFUL, period. One of the most pathetic companies I have the misfortune to enter a contract with.

    My router will drop the signal every now and then. It became so frustrating that smashed it into the wall one day.

    Their punch line should be “Talktalk – we are cheap for a reason.”


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